Dysfunctional 'Friendship'

I used to think I knew what friendships were
and then I grew up

Everything changed – I did
You did
The distance made it easier to see
and all the more difficult to be
a 'friend' to you

It was always raining when you called
flooding the bedroom - the streets outside

There were simply not enough towels
to soak up the hurt
Not enough time if there were
Even then, I tired so easily

I would hang up and cry
because I was confused
I cried because I thought I was sad
when really, I was angry

You called again

I woke to a thunderous storm squalling at my door
so I bought new towels to stuff under them

Braced for impact, the torrent came
with renewed fury
The doors swelled but the towels held
I shook with anxiety - terrified as my home is engulfed
but this time, I did not drown

I threw up instead

Still, I cry because I am confused
I cry because I think I am sad at the state of 'us'
I grow angrier with the passage of time

These periodic inundations disrupted the sunshine-
I knew to run when the sun faded away
For I am the one crouching in the highest corner
rocking back and forth with unease and wet socks

Your kind of 'us' always came with dark clouds

This
is what friendship is

an overflowing bathtub that no one stops
a leaking faucet that no one repairs

The speaker's release
and the listener's silent acceptance
almost as if this is the way is was supposed to be

but why?

Why am I crying when the thunder stops?

Why am I crying when the floods cease
and I am left to clean up the destruction
and the painful realization that I
let it all happen?

I am so angry
at 'us'

I am so angry
that your world returns to sunshine and happiness
while I am left with the aftermath of a choice

to pick up the phone

to listen as you cry about how people are cruel
“it will be alright” I say

the world is indeed cruel...

I hung up the phone for the last time
and cried

because I am confused
because I am sad
because I am angry at myself

I no longer wished to stand alone in the rain
you brought to my life

Blue skies and warm, sunny days are here
I am going outside
without you


PMO
23FEB2014